Today I took one of the first of many daunting steps in this thing we call divorce – apartment hunting. I visited three different places and only looked at one apartment. And I feel completely worn out. I’m so overwhelmed at the moment. I have no ability to see forward right now. My stress and anxiety are through the roof. How is this going to work?
How can I be so utterly ready to move on, yet paralyzed by the fear of moving on at the same time? It’s the conflicting emotions that get me every time. How do I afford this? How do I choose where the ‘best’ place is for me and B? Is there a secret way I can just push fast-forward and simply BE at the next part of this?
I know we will be okay – that’s the only choice there is. I’m just hoping to start feeling it at some point.
Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.