Ever wonder if someone is really as happy as they appear on your social networking sites? Ever want to know the real story of what’s going on in their life? Well, then I’m your girl.
I’m a very typical (mom) FaceBook user: I post way too many pictures of my kid (I mean why not? She’s the best thing I’ve ever done, of COURSE she’s going to get the center stage!). I occasionally partake in the latest FB quizzes. I post links to favorite songs, lost or stolen animals/kids, and inspirational quotes. I share all about my newest passion of 2014 – essential oils, anyone?? I look blissfully happy according to FaceBook. I mean, even I look back through my year to see how great it’s been! But there are always hints to what’s missing from your page. And it’s funny to me how even people I’m not very close to anymore will pick up on one or two of them – and most often it’s because they too have experienced similar situations in their own life and probably recognize those telling omissions from friends’ pages.
Those closest to me know that I’m totally ready to welcome 2015 with open arms. I’m not normally one to divulge my personal life in such a public way, but so far that only means that I’m quietly licking my wounds alone. I’m ready to try things differently this time – as in break out of my routine and really shake this life of mine up a bit.
2014 started off rough with Lydia traveling for work more than 50% of the time. By late summer/early Fall, it was growing more and more clear that the strain would prove too much for our marriage. Before anyone starts jumping the band wagon of choosing sides, seriously, no one was ‘at fault’ more than another – we struggled, we tried, we didn’t work – period. The silver lining in all of this is I think we will actually come out stronger because of this experience and I do believe I might have just discovered my best friend after all. We have both proven our commitment to raising our daughter together and putting her first and foremost before anything else. But marriage between us just wasn’t meant to be. Life goes on and it most certainly will here.
The month of November dealt another low blow with the ending of friendships with two very close friends of mine – the remnants of this is still rippling through me. Betrayed by one who I trusted and loved as a sister. Shut out by another as she made the difficult decision to focus on her family and support her wife – as she should. This has been so painful to go through. I don’t open up very often to people and I did here. Friendship. Trust. Betrayal. Decisions that broke apart families. It’s hard to go through an experience like this and not feel bitterness and resentment – I feel these things daily.
But life is all about choices and even this is my choice. I can either sit in my bitterness and resentment and close off that part of me and wallow in my own self pity…alone…OR I can forgive all that has happened, reach for understanding and empathy to circumstances I may not have been aware of and open my heart to love and trust in future friendships AND relationships. I’m choosing the later.
I am looking to make deeper connections with people and the way to do this, I believe, is to let them in. This next year is going to be a total overhaul of who I’ve been and who I want to be. Some things feel so crystal clear to me. Opening up and talking to people in ways I never have is like a small peek into the relationships that are just ever so slightly out of my reach. I just have to take the risk, be vulnerable and let people in. Yes, I feel did that and got burned – but like everyone says – the best ‘revenge’ is to go on and live a ridiculously happy life full of friends and laughter in SPITE of that one pitfall. I absolutely refuse to go further into a shell and live my life not opening up to people or not putting faith and trust in friendships. This past year has taught me a lot, but it will not define me, or anything I do from here.
What on earth does any of this have to do with eating my way healthy? Nothing. But I haven’t been eating my way healthy for quite some time – been a little preoccupied with just getting through the day. But sitting here at rock bottom (at least MY personal rock bottom), I’m excited and ready for what’s in front of me. This next year is going to bring about a TON of new changes: a milestone birthday, a new home, new schedules, new friends (& getting reacquainted with some old ones), and who knows what else!
This blog will naturally morph a bit to include my experiences with all of the above AS WELL AS getting myself back on track, which obviously includes my health, but going deeper this time into all aspects of health (body, mind, & spirit) – not just food. I am realistic…this new life as a separated, co-parent will have challenges I know not of today. I will struggle at times and resort to what’s easy – I’m human, and that’s okay too.
This will be my place to be real and sometimes raw, but always honest. If you’re interested in keeping up with how we’re doing, I’d love it if you’d ‘follow’ me.
This is my year – I can just feel it!